Are you in a ‘financial situationship’?
Two topics that often come with their own sets of challenges are love and money. Yet, for more than a quarter of couples in relationships, these challenges intersect to create what some now refer to as a ‘financial situationship’. This term describes couples who share their lives and dreams but keep their finances separate, avoiding open discussions about long-term financial matters.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Research shows that 26% of couples keep separate bank accounts[1], which means nearly 8.7 million people are navigating life without a clear plan for their shared financial future[2]. While it may work for a while, avoiding serious financial discussions can lead to miscommunication, tension and even future issues.
The good news? By taking simple, practical steps, you can move beyond the financial situationship stage into a healthier, more supportive financial partnership.
Why couples tend to avoid financial transparency
You probably know your partner’s favourite film or their order at your regular coffee shop, but do you know how much they have set aside for retirement? Or how they plan to pay off their credit card debt? If not, you’re not alone.
The research shows that while 78% of couples are aware of their partner’s monthly income and 75% know the basics, such as mortgage or rent costs, only a small number engage in more in-depth conversations. Specifically, 36% are unaware of their partner’s pension savings, 25% are uninformed about investments and nearly one in five couples (18%) have never discussed retirement.
Why? Often, couples find financial conversations intimidating. Money can feel personal; discussing salaries, debts or spending habits might trigger feelings of vulnerability or judgement. For some, finances seem like a ‘later’ problem, something that doesn’t need addressing until major life events occur, such as buying a home, getting married or starting a family.
But here’s the consideration: the longer couples avoid these discussions, the more difficult they become.
Risks of staying in a financial situationship
There’s comfort in keeping finances separate. It can feel independent, fair or just less complicated.
But over time, refusing to create shared financial goals can lead to challenges such as:
Mismatched priorities – One partner may focus on immediate needs, such as paying off debt, while the other prioritises saving for a big purchase. Without alignment, resentment can grow.
Unpreparedness for life events – Whether it’s unexpected medical bills or retirement planning, avoiding long-term discussions leaves couples vulnerable to financial shocks.
Eroded trust – When money decisions are made in isolation, it’s easier for trust issues to creep in, even unintentionally.
The main issue? You might find yourself financially unready for later life, which could cause stress in a relationship if it’s too late to adjust plans.
How to transition to a strong financial partnership
The key to moving beyond a financial situationship isn’t merging bank accounts; it’s fostering open conversations and trust. Here are some practical steps to help you and your partner work as a financial team.
Choose the right moment
Timing is essential when talking about finances. A conversation about savings or pension plans won’t succeed during a late-night argument or after a long, stressful day.
Instead, proactively choose a time when you’re both relaxed and receptive to dialogue. Frame the conversation as a team effort, recognising that financial discussions can be challenging but are vital for your future together.
For example, suggest this approach:
How about we set aside an hour on Sunday afternoon to discuss our finances? I’d love for us to be on the same page about future plans.
Create a regular money check-in routine
Talking about money shouldn’t be a one-off event. Regular, smaller conversations are much easier and less daunting than trying to address everything at once.
Schedule a recurring ‘money date’ every month or two to review budgets, savings goals, debt repayments or future plans. You might even make it enjoyable by adding snacks, coffee or wine, turning it into a positive experience rather than a dreaded chore.
Here’s a suggested format for your check-in:
Start with a review of recent expenses.
Discuss upcoming financial goals (e.g., saving for a holiday).
Highlight any adjustments to your individual or joint plan.
Consistency in these meetings will help build financial transparency and reduce surprises.
Reframe your financial mindset
Stop seeing money as ‘yours’ and ‘mine’ – begin thinking in terms of ‘ours’. Of course, you can still keep separate accounts if you wish, but working as a financial team encourages trust and responsibility.
For example, take turns discussing your own financial goals. This might involve paying off a student loan, building an emergency fund or saving for retirement. Prioritising shared goals strengthens the partnership and makes sure both individuals feel equally committed to the future.
Being honest about any fears or anxieties you have regarding money is also helpful. Showing vulnerability can encourage your partner to open up as well, leading to conversations that feel constructive instead of stressful.
Addressing financial tensions
If you’ve avoided discussing money, it’s natural to feel tense when you start talking about finances more openly. According to the research, one in five couples regularly argue about money, while 17% avoid the subject altogether.
The solution? Start with small steps. If the idea of joint financial planning feels daunting, begin by agreeing on one area first, like dividing bills fairly. Then, gradually move towards long-term objectives such as pooling resources for a home, planning for retirement or saving together in a joint account. Gradually, these efforts help break the cycle of miscommunication and build trust.
Building financial harmony together
Breaking free from a financial situationship doesn’t mean you need a perfect financial plan by tomorrow. It’s all about building a foundation of open communication and partnership. Start by honestly discussing your current habits and future goals. Whether the aim is managing debt, buying a first home or saving for a dream retirement, knowing you’re working together fosters a sense of stability and shared purpose.
If you’re unsure where to start or feel overwhelmed, we can help you clarify your financial goals so they align without turning the discussion into a complex or confusing one. The bottom line? Begin the conversation. Addressing your finances together not only strengthens your relationship but also ensures both partners are better prepared for whatever life might bring.
Source data:
[1] Research conducted on behalf of L&G by Opinium from 9–17 July 2025 among 3,000 UK adults in a relationship, weighted to be nationally
representative.
[2] 26% are defined as being in a financial situationship (those in a long term relationship of 2+ years AND who either manage their finances
together but keep them separate OR manage finances completely separately). 54,196,443 UK adults of which 63% are in a relationship =
34,241,484 in a relationship in the UK. 26% of 34,241,484 = 8,757,000 UK adults in a financial situationship.
This article does not constitute tax, legal or financial advice and should not be relied upon as such. Tax treatment depends on the individual circumstances of each client and may be subject to change in the future. For guidance, seek professional advice. The value of your investments can go down as well as up, and you may get back less than you invested. Past performance is not a guarantee of future performance.